5 things to remember for a better world
A few weeks ago I was blessed to attend the birth of a friend's baby boy. Blessed is an understatement really because the experience of supporting birth is just about the highest form of service to humanity as we can partake in, and the greatest gift to be given. I love it!
I'm not a certified doula or any of that stuff. But you know, what I do in my 'work' is all about holding space, trusting the process and believing in the power of woman. I've also developed a strong respect for other people's journeys and other people's opinions, knowing that I don't have to agree with everything someone else chooses in order to share my love and support with them.
And that, as I know from my work, perhaps makes me more qualified for birth support than many doulas I have met. Not all! I know some kick arse women who make it their business to support birth. I've also met some shit ones. #justsaying
Anyway, my friend had an epic birth journey. It was long and held some fear. And that's what made it so beautiful. We all had a wild ride and I was reminded of some things that are easy to forget in the day-to-day bizo of life, but are always so apparent to me when I get to witness birth.
So I wanted to share these points with you, and also have them written down for some time when I need to remember, because this dear heart, is Truth at it's deepest core. It's simple and real and doesn't carry any SHIT. It's just a nice way to remember how to realate with people. Perhaps the title of this article could have been '5 things to help people remember how to behave for a better world!
Everyone is entitled to their own journey
I was reminded of just how unique and individual each of us walk our path. This birth was so very different to anything else I've experienced. It served to remind me that we all do it different, but we are all still the same. I am so humbled to be allowed a peek into something so special. To witness the journey not just of the birth of a baby, but even more importantly, what my friend Mirabei calls The Birth of the Mother, oh woo woo that is so incredibly awweeesssooomme. This is a secret into the soul of my friend and a look in on her family's path in this life. So special.
Everyone and everything is perfect
My friend was an absolute hera in her process. It was big and pain-full and bliss-full all at once. She was an inspiration. Even when she thought she was doing a shitty job (as is a common thing to think sometimes in labour) she was doing so perfectly. Could she have done different? Well of course but then it wouldn't have been her journey. She would not have learned to trust herself and trust support. And without that process, she mightn't know just how rad we all think she is.
It's okay to change your mind
My friend got to a point where she just didn’t think she could do anymore. It wasn’t transition, it was a whole different thing and I'm not going to share it here because it's not my business. But my point is that she started to subscribe to a belief that it didn't take long to realise really wasn't working out for her. So we all sat down and had a chat. And then she changed her mind about that belief and wham bang out popped a baby!
All people are entitled to their own opinion – but I don't need to hear it!
In the week after my attendance at this very gorgeous birth I was surprised just how many people asked me how the birth went only to cut me off before I could finish the story with their own assumptions, suspicions and personal bull shit. It seems that so many people whom I thought were a bit more developed than that still haven’t learned the most important lesson of all – that opinions are like butts! And perhaps I have not yet learned the lesson of not having expectations of people. Of course, I have lots of friends who said lovely things too. It was interesting, that's all.
Mamas' strength is in our vulnerability
I am constantly inspired and influenced and willed to go on by what I see in Mamas. There is no more difficult job. There is no harder journey. Mamas carry the weight of the world on our shoulders – and we do it with style. We go through so much in order to be Mamas, we sacrifice a heap and we forge new lives as the parents we want to be, everyday. We don't get to have excuses. We just gotta get in and do it. I've heard it said that your work or your job is where you receive the biggest spiritual lessons in life but that's bull. The process of pregnancy, birth, and the raising of babes is more epic than anything else in the world. And for that I bow deeply in gratitude and respect to every Mama. You are beautiful and wonderful.
One other thing I was reminded with by attending this birth ( 6 didn't sound as proper as 5 ) was how strong and loving our community is. The #talkingaboutisolation and #selfcraftedsupport campaign was in full action. Each time I posted an update on Facebook the response was so amazing. I love you women who choose to step out of your own story for a moment to lend your energy of support to another. Thank you to every single one (especially those of you who were up at 4am - what's with that!!?)
I wrote these five points in my journal for reflection. But then I wanted something prettier. So I made you this.
You can download it and print it out to stick on your wall. To remember how awweeesssooomme you are Mama, and to remember how to behave for a better world. Same goes on the other side – it might remind you of the how you want to be treated. If you subscribe to this way of thinking – all in, with no excuses – then you might find your whole world does change for the better, and you'll drop a heap of crap you don't need along the way.
Good luck!
Bowing to all the mamas who keep on keeping on,