Who you are in the world has a lot to do with how you show up.
When I teach Self Defense as Self Development classes in Braidwood, a key concept in the way I teach self defense is by focusing on “Who Speaks For You?“
Are you typically non-assertive, aggressive or assertive? How you show up in any situation will have a lot to do with the way you relate and react, ie. who you speak as in the world. Aggressive people appear to attract more physical and argumentative trouble (probably because they are always in the argumentative mode). Non-assertive people have a continual pattern of being “walked over” and finding themselves in positions where they are without power.
Often, the way we speak into the world is a matter of learned behaviour. Your experiences as a young person, the effects of developmental stages and the people who were around you at that time, help to shape the person you become. Notice when you speak, who is speaking? Do you recognise a voice or a pattern of behaviour in yourself that is also recognisable in the adults you knew as a child. OR, do you notice how your behaviour could have been shaped as a result of the adults who were in your world when you were a child?
Assertive people are known for their ability to handle confrontations in a balanced and diplomatic way. This is a skill that can be learned and practised. It is more than conversation technique. It requires holistic development of the self – otherwise known as Self Crafting.
Assertive people also find themselves with less need to actually have to defend themselves, as they are more often in charge of their surroundings (awareness) and confident in their points of view. Speaking from your assertive place is a skill that can be developed in many ways and all those ways have one universal key : authenticity.
So when you speak into the world, who would you prefer to speak as?
Notice who speaks for you most often:
- Play it safe and be liked
- Fearful of being yelled at
- Sensitive to disapproval
- Disrespectful to Self
- Accepts others more than Self
- Keeps feelings inside
- Often feels anxious, sad, isolated, misunderstood
- Scared of being wrong
- Have to be right and prove your point of view
- Uses verbal and physical force
- Insensitive to others
- Disrespectful to others
- Uses “You” statements
- Judgmental, feels superior
- Easily gets angry
- Hides insecurity
- Needs to be right
- Desire to express with honesty and kindness
- Uses “I” statements
- Caring to both Self and others
- Fairness over rightness
- Tactful and diplomatic
- Feels secure and confident
Each “speaker” is available to every person. It’s simply a matter of honing your attention and practising how you desire to show up in the world. You could ask the question “Who am I being right now?” It helps to get clear on exactly what motivates the way you are expressing yourself. And it serves to give you a focus for change.
Motion Ninja Academy classes blend Awareness, Self Defense, Mobility, Natural Movement and cutting edge methods for overall mind and body wellness. It’s all just another way to Do Self Crafting. Keep an eye on my newsletter for more information.
The article Who speaks for you? was published by Hollie B., for the Institute for Self Crafting.
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